Posted by: gofastturnleft | March 7, 2012


I’ve been keeping this post in my drafts folder for the past couple weeks.  I’ve false-started posting it a few times but chickened out.  Why?  Because I’m a little ashamed.  Then I figured, why the heck not?  The fact that I even post to a blag means I’m probably at least be a little OK sharing private information with my tens of readers.  I know that generally you want to read about how awesome I am (very, by the way!) but today we’re going to focus on the shame.  Buckle up and enjoy:


Motivation is a funny thing.  Back in 2008 I drove from Spokane to Seattle every single Friday during the summer just so I could race for a grand total of like 40 minutes at Marymoor.  I was super motivated for good results all winter.  I spent hours on the trainer during the winter since there was too much snow to ride anywhere in Spokane.  I made excellent use of my Netflix subscription and burned through probably 10-12 movies per week.  I was in great shape and was able to snag the elusive upgrade to Cat 2 that summer.  That summer also happens to coincide with my long absence from blagging, as you’re already aware.  Yes, I was burnt out.  Yes, life got in the way.  But as I stated not 2 weeks ago [Edit – A little longer than that now, thanks to my chickening out] I’m rip-roaring and ready to go.  Goals set, training plan written up, bike legs itching.  Then Jenn had to go and ruin everything by telling me I can’t race Masters Nats this year.  It’s odd, but that totally defeated me.  I let a little sickness get in my way, then I got lazy, then I got off-track.  I know I was flippant about the idea of not being able to race in Nationals this year, but deep down it really affected me.  It was going to be my glorious comeback, my return to sport.  I had it all planned out.

I keep trying to figure out why I can lose all motivation like this.  That winter of noting but trainer rides was much more grueling than anything I did this year.  Driving 600 miles round-trip to race every weekend is an absolute beast compared to the weekly local races I have available in Boise.  And yet…

I should be excited.  I should be out, busting my butt, gearing up for all the great races that are just around the corner.  Yet without Nationals on the horizon I’m simply not motivated.

I need my drive back.  I need to race for the sake of racing, not for some far-flung podium dream.  I need to remember what it’s like to be in a break.  I need to remember what it’s like to win a head-up sprint.  I need to love my sport again.


So there it is – I suppose that wasn’t too bad after all.  It is awfully embarrassing to get so discouraged by something as simple as missing out on one race; I feel like I should be better than that.  I will say that I had a solid ride today – did some nice tempo work, made the old legs wake up a bit.  I feel like I can race this weekend (Holy crap, the season is already here!) and regardless of results feel good about it.  But the part I’m most excited about?  I didn’t look at the 25-30 MPH and give up without even trying.  The overnight flat in my rear time didn’t deter me.  The crazy amount of work I felt needed to be done had to get put aside for a few hours.  Maybe it’s not a big victory to just get in the bike but I’ll take it right now.  Anything to get out of this little slump.


Thanks for reading.


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